1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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