Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
