literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
