Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
