I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize