she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
