I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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