You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
