I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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