The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
