dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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