Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
