i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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