Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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