The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
being pregnant is like rehab
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
