somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
