i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
