im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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