His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
