I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
