You're my little dorito
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize