dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
