Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
