He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
