does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
