matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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