Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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