Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
