Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
