If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize