So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
