I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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