everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
