i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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