I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
