peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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