So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
