i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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