My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
