If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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