Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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