I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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