Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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