I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
