why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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