I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
