two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.