I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are