i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This house was built for laser tag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause