After last night, I could never be a politician.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.