i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..