I will die if light touches me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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