Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
