forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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