did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
