I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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