you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
