my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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