It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
