you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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