This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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