Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just pee around me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
