hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
