if i can run in heels then i can drive
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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