when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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