Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize