Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize