I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
