I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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